I had moved to Kingston to attend college. This was my first time away from home. My first time away from my very strict upbringing. I never thought I would stray from my upbringing of being a reserved child. I heard my friends at school talking about online dating, how they’ve met “rich” older men who’d spoil them and all. I decided to try this online thing out of curiosity. I tried it but I wasn’t looking for the basic stuff my friends were looking for, I was looking for love (Oh silly me). After a month of being on a site, I meet a soldier. The best man anyone could get at the time. He said he was out of a relationship for months, and he was looking for a woman who’d love him. He said all the right things to win me. We had sex every day for a month, almost anywhere. The relationship was next to perfect.
My period was late. I’ve never had a late period. 28 days cycle 5 days of menstruating, it was like clockwork. I didn’t panic because I associated the lateness to the regular sex and I decided to wait for a week then take a pregnancy test. A week pass and nothing. I bought a test, took it and the thing I fear the most 2 red lines. I sat in the bathroom thinking. The first thought was abortion was not an option. I was willing to sacrifice a promising future, being disgraced by my family, disowned by my parents and having to take on motherhood at 17 with a man I barely knew, miles away from home and family.
I sat in the bathroom thinking how am I going to tell him. I was living with my best friend at the time and she came home and saw me in the bathroom. She saw the test and she said to me “please don’t decide to do an abortion. I did 1 and it was painful and you’ll regret it. I’ll help with whatever you need. I’ll even look an evening job to help you take care of the baby.” I told her I was thinking of an abortion. She then asked if I had told the guy already I said no. She said I should tell him immediately. I tried calling him, I got no answer. So I left a text message that we needed to talk in person. He replied hours later that he won’t be able to see me and whatever I had to say can be sent in a text message. We went back and forth about texting what I had to say until I eventually sent him the text that I was pregnant and I sent a picture of the test. He called me immediately and said i have to do an abortion. My heart fell and I hang up and started to cry.
Weeks went by he barely spoke to me. I started having morning sickness, I couldn’t stay awake in classes. My days we filled with sleeping, eating and vomiting. I went to school less. I stayed in the house a lot.
10 weeks and some days into the pregnancy he called and said I’m coming to pick you up get dressed. I did as told. I had now wrapped my mind around the abortion. We went to the doctor. He stayed outside the doctor’s office and gave me the money. I went inside, told the nurse what I was there for. I had to lie about my age. I went in to see the doctor. He asked questions about the pregnancy. Then he stuck this thing in my arm and told me to go back to the waiting room. I waited there until it was only 4 people left. Two women, a teenager and her mother. The 4 of us went into a room downstairs. We took off our clothes. A nurse checked if we had pads to put on after the procedure and offered to sell us if we didn’t have. I opted to go last. The woman who went in first screamed a lot. I thought about leaving. The other two didn’t make a sound. It was my turn. I went in, went on the bed and set in a positive as if I was giving birth. The doctor placed a mask over my nose and mouth and told me to take 2 deep breaths. I heard or saw nothing more. Until I heard someone say “you’re moving, good. Get up and go in the shower and wash off. If you see excess bleeding let me know.” I did as told and got dressed.
I went outside the building. I was weak but I managed to. He wasn’t there. I went back inside and called him. He said he went home and he’ll be there in a few minutes. Few minutes turned to an hour and a half. He finally came. He took me home. The drive was silent. Dropped me off. He didn’t even wait to make sure I reached the door safely. I cried the entire night.
The next couple of days I tried all the less painful suicide methods I could find. I quit school. Our relationship lasted 5 months after the abortion. 4 years later and I’m nowhere near achieving my career goal that I thought I would achieve after the abortion. The life I thought I could have prevented with the abortion is the same life I’m living now, no career, a mediocre job and no drive in life.