I was about 17 when I got pregnant. I was scared. I knew I didn’t want a child I think perhaps because the would-be father was no kinda father figure and I was young. I told my close friends because I didn’t know how to terminate the pregnancy but one of them had another friend who’d had one done before and said the doctor would give me pills but it would cost $15000.

A couple of people know I did an abortion, but not many know the real story behind the smiles and facades of strength.

The first one was probably the only “unexpected” pregnancy.

I found out I was pregnant on a Saturday afternoon while I was cleaning my apartment. I found an old pregnancy test under the bed and laughed to myself and set it aside while I continued sweeping. An hour later, I felt the urge to pee and thought it would be funny to do the pregnancy test. I set it on the side of the bathtub and scrolled through Twitter while I sat on the toilet. I glanced at it. Two lines, as expected.

Wait, what?

I’ve always loved our intimate sessions. I can’t say I truly loved having sex with him but I think I just loved hearing him being pleased.

We always went back and forth, and later down in the relationship, I learnt he had a “complicated” relationship and a baby on the way, who then became an actual existing figure; a little human.

Again, this wasn’t love…

I was 16 and in sixth form at a prominent high school. My boyfriend, 17, attended one too and was a star athlete. That same year I applied to university while he fielded scholarships from overseas. We thought we were gonna be married. You know…young love.